Old fashioned suggestions to young women...

Image courtesy: facenfacts.com

After politics, the topic that Delhi is most associated with these days is rape. I don't want to refer to the topic using euphemisms such as 'safety issues for women', 'sexual assault' (this is a good one). Plainly and simply, it is rape.

The typical news item goes like this. 2-3 goons get hold of a large enough car or SUV, give some woman a lift (or force her in) and drive her around town all day while taking turns raping her. No laughing matter, but we are all mostly helpless at the end of the day. (Maybe Rahul bhaiyya can help us out by 'urging' that the police do their job better and things will change magically).

I'm not going to offer solutions to the menace, but wanted to review some of the retorts each time an old fashioned suggestion is given to young women for their safety.

Some typical old fashioned suggestions are:

1. Don't wear revealing (read western) clothes.
2. Don't go out after dark.
3. Don't be alone with boys (at odd hours), even if you know them well.
4. Don't be in a place where people are drinking (alcohol)/ Don't drink, ever!  

If I had a daughter or sister (or someone else I was responsible for) I would give all of the above pieces of advice and enforce to the extent possible. However, what's the reaction you get when these are suggested in public? Typically not positive. These are the typical retorts I've heard...

Don't wear 'fancy' (read western or revealing) clothes.

1. "Women should have the freedom to wear what they want."
2. "If men can't control themselves when they see a woman in modern clothes, then they must be taken to task."
3. "Stop advising my daughter and go talk to your son."
4. "The rapist's attitude comes from within. The clothes don't do anything to stimulate him."

I agree with all the retorts above being at least partly valid, but the last one is clearly not. Sure, when the rapist has decided to pick his prey, not much is going to change his actions. However, isn't a scantily clad woman not going to add more fuel to the fire? I think we can all agree that that's the case. So, while pepper spray is an acceptable suggestion, why is more conservative dressing not, when it comes to safety? Both are having to do something that one doesn't want to do. The goal ultimately is to keep our women safe, and if anything can help them be even a tad safer, isn't that a good thing?

Don't go out after dark.

I don't know if there are any major retorts to this suggestion, except perhaps "Don't infringe on someone's freedom. Improve law and order if you want." This was good advice that our women stuck to until two decades or so ago. Statistically, dark places and places without crowds are unsafe, and so this advice seems to me like a no-brainer to follow. All the BPO worker situations that we hear about, such as the driver who's supposed to drop off a young girl at 2AM veering off the road on purpose, are not necessarily 'just past sunset', but still, sunset is a good threshold to be home by. No?

Don't be alone with boys (especially at odd hours), even if you know them well.

This is a tough one. I can't think of too many retorts, except perhaps these teenage ones: "If you can't trust friends, who can you trust?". "I know my friends well. Maybe you did not have good friends."

Familiarity always breeds trust, especially if it's fun to hang around a person or a group. Friendship is good if it is backed by the families involved (whether boy-boy or boy-girl or girl-girl). If your parents don't approve of you being friends with someone, they perhaps saw something that you were not mature enough to see. If you know the family of the boy and your family knows him well, then the trust has some solid foundation. Even then, a mature parent knows that boys will be boys (in groups) and it's never a good idea to be in situations where you can be taken advantage of. Date rapes (and similar "i knew the guy before" rapes) are a large percentage of rapes these days, and this advice too seems fair to me, although I'd consider it a tad paranoid if I was the one receiving advice. 

Don't be in a place where people are drinking (alcohol)/ Don't drink, ever!

"Social drinking is fine, no different from drinking juice."

"There were a lot of other girls there."

"Not every boy was drinking."

"I never get high, I always know when to stop."

I don't need to sell the absurdity of these retorts hard. Alcohol loosens people, both men and women. A drunk woman (partially or not, high or not) is always putting herself at risk. Being around a drunk man (nice guy normally or not) is also not a good idea. Being in control of oneself (100%, not the illusory "i am not high" kind) at all times and not being around others who may not be in control of themselves is a great idea. There's probably a lot of statistics to prove that alcohol is a strong factor in women's safety.

I am all for ensuring law and order, keeping our sons on leashes, allowing women all the freedom they want, etc. Still, these old fashioned suggestions, while being paranoid in some cases, are definitely good to try to adhere to. 

Angry retorts result when people make these old fashioned suggestions in response to a rape incident, perhaps inadvertently (or on purpose in some cases) suggesting that the victim was dressed scantily or was drunk, etc. And of course the media will end up with a field day with the ultra conservative old fashioned buffoon who isn't in tune with the times and who is seen as 'blaming the victim'. 

"Do we want our women to wear the burkha to avoid rape? The nation responds to our survey.", you can hear your favourite news anchor bellowing. As soon as the Twitterati and opinion peddlers respond, the news anchor will claim that they now know the pulse of the common man, with a pie chart to prove the case. The common man will continue to give his daughter old fashioned advise to help keep her safe.